elisa_rolle (elisa_rolle) wrote,
elisa_rolle
elisa_rolle

I have been overshadowed by my own creature...

... but that is what usually happens with your children, right? you need to let them grow, and there are even some breed of spiders who lets the babies eat the mommy to grow. Wow, what horrific parallelism, but that is not really wrong in my case ;-)

Why this late night (late night for me) thoughts? I realize browsing the net tonight that at least two big kerfuffles happened in the last few weeks and I was totally unaware of them, even if I'm in contact with many of the people involved. And it's not that I don't care for my online friends, or that I wouldn't have supported some of them, it's only that I really didn't know.

This livejournal is 5 years old going for 6. I'm still stubbornly using it, and maintaining it as a LiveJournal even if many of the reason why I picked this platform years ago are no more there. Most of my contacts are now on Facebook or Twitter, but I still love LJ and I think that, if not forced, I will never chance. Is that the reason why some of the hurricanes didn't reach this peaceful oasis? or is that since, the few time they tried to bring it here, the tsunami waves died like if they found on ocean of water? (water against water = no destroying effects)

When I was "social network" virgin, 6 years ago more or less, I was always trying to check what happened to my friends online life, and I always partecipated and shared their suffering. It was a second job, mostly done by night. To me having 40 or 50 comments was like heaven, it meant recognition, it meant you were important. But it meant also that you were an easy target, it was impossible that, of 50 comments, all of them were supportive, and strange as it is, I cared more for that 1 negative comment than the 49 positive ones. Another thing that always perplexed me was how people moved in flock, from one kerfuffle to another, and more or less they were always the same. After 1 year or 2 I was able to predict the migrations before they happened, I would have made money if it was possible to bet who would be the next to post and what was the argument. Truth be told, after 1 year or 2 I started to not care too much, and I started to "retire".

I have strict rules on this Livejournal, but since I tend to not manifest them, people tend to not contest them. Who reads me and my "reviews/ramblings" knows about them, the most commons are: I don't rate books, I don't review books I didn't like, I don't review heterosexual romances, I tend to prefer Gay Novels, but it happened I read and reviewed some Bisexual, Transgender and Lesbian novels (but I think the proportion is 95 against 5 if not less). But that is me, what I read and like, that is not the space I give to authors if they ask, or the event I promote or the child of above, the one that "ate" me, the Rainbow Awards. Rainbow Awards are all inclusive, and BTW I would love for Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender submissions to be at the same level of the Gay ones; year after year the spread is always less, but we are not yet to the same level (especially for the Bisexual and Transgender categories, and I really suffer when I have to merge them together due to the minimum submissions requirement).

I love the Rainbow Awards, but it's also true they take a lot of time, and so now I have little time to spare; I still read, less than before, I still review, with the same rules of above, but me, Elisa, is less on the center stage. Do I miss the spotlight I gave to the Rainbow Awards? Absolutely not. I'm now more free to do as I want, and sincerely no one in a long time have questioned what I'm doing... always talking as me as reviewer, many have questioned the Rainbow Awards, but since I'm very careful in managing them, they are acquiring an independence and a strong foundation that is difficult to shake.

There are still few comments on this Livejournal, but maybe this is due to the fact I decided to spread the effect on various venues, like Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads. Just the other day I posted about Gordon Merrick, with a collection of his original Avon covers I spent a lot of time searching online... it was a "reshuffle" of a previous post, so I was not surprise to seeing no one commented. And then, by chance, I found out one of my facebook contacts had reposted the link and he received more than 20 comments, with people gushing over the old covers, commenting on the influence Merrick had on them, some comments even from a very, very popular author of Gay Romance, one of the untouchables. My first thought? well, they could have commented on the post NOT on the shared link... my second thought? well, I did good, people spent time reading and thinking about my post, does it matter I didn't know?

I post many bios on the people who influenced or are influencing the LGBT community. Most of them receive no comments, but I know people like them, since the few comments I received are from people telling me those are the posts they read each day, and they are opening my Livejournal to see what I posted today. There are even people thanking me since I'm not letting those people be forgotten, many of them died so young it's easy they could have been in a few years.

So no, I don't want to barter my freedom for a spotlight; maybe someone will think I'm weak, since I'm not stating my rights and fighting for them, but guys, I'm doing exactly what I want, like I want, and I have no need to fight for it... I think I made the right choice.
Tags: about me
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